Insomnia, drunks and snark OH MY

I have a raging issue with snark. My brain and mouth completely lack any sort of filter and I say basically whatever comes to mind.

For example, my memories on Facebook today reminded me of a scenario from two years ago. I'll quote the full post

Minding my own business browsing the produce at Westside (grocery)...
Little girl: MOMMY why does SHEEEE get to squeeze the Cuties before she buys them?
Me (not missing a beat): Now THAT is part of being a woman
Oh wait she was talking about oranges 😵 it’s a wonder I don’t get slapped sometimes

So given that little background, this happened last night...

I couldn't sleep again (big surprise) and was hungry so I ran to the bodega around 3am. I ordered my food at the counter and waited to the side bc that's usually around the time the cops come in for their break. Instead a bunch of drunk guys come in, obviously headed home from the bar or party and kinda pissed about going home without any ladies. They start hitting on me (pjs, fleece, glasses, big rats nest on top of my head) and then try to tell me they play football and are kind of a big deal.

My response: if you could take your eyes off my ass long enough to read my Clemson fleece you'd realize that no, when it comes to football, I'm the big deal. Goodnight gentlemen. 

Guy behind the deli counter nearly dies laughing bc he has told me many times how much money he made on our game 😂😂

My snark has no limits. Just don't split your pants laughing ;-) 

Sunday Funny

Today I ran to Duane Reade. For the non New Yorkers, that's a pharmacy that might be as prevalent as Starbucks on every other corner. I needed a few items. The store was about to close and as I was about to enter the checkout queue, I ran directly into an older gentleman. I channeled my inner southernbelle and told him to go ahead before me. It wasn't like there was a line afterall. He takes one look into my basket and says very sternly, "NO, you go ahead. The only thing in your basket is tampons, advil PM and chocolate. I have a wife and three daughters. I KNOW BETTER." We both had quite the laugh and I went ahead to checkout with an extremely embarrassed/uncomfortable cashier. I giggled the entire four blocks home.