My Terrible Horribly Hilarious No Good Can't Make This Up Kind Of Day
This is 100% one of those better late than never stories because you just can’t make this stuff up and some days I wish I had a camera crew following me to prove just how ridiculous my days can be sometimes.
I have had horrible insomnia lately and even my go to pass out movies and medication haven’t been helping. So on Wednesday, after finally falling asleep around maybe 3am, my loving cuddle bug of a butthead dog kicked me in the gut (accidentally I’m sure) around 6am. I turned on the news, couldn’t fall back asleep so I decided to grab and early SoulCycle class (that’ll be a later fitness reviews story). I grab my shoes; fill up my water bottle and go to set up my bike. I get up on my bike and start to stretch/warm up and I hear the undeniable sound of tearing fabric and a suddenly very chilly spot on my butt. I just split my pants; my brand new favorite leggings with Beetlejuice print and no underwear. Full on, Pitch Perfect 2, Fat Amy moment. So like the classy broad I am, I pull my tank top down a bit, awkwardly shuffle out to the lobby in my cycling shoes trying not to break an ankle and tell one of the staff that I just split my pants stretching and need a pair of their cheapest Soul pants. She offers me a refund on my class because she thinks I’m embarrassed but in reality I’m laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face because I know it’s going to be one of those days when you’ve split your pants by 7am. Quick wardrobe change and I rocked out the class but am now the owner of a pair of Soul branded Lu Lu. No offense to those of you who are into that kind of thing but the only thing branded on my workout wear is college related.
But that’s not even the beginning.
I run home knowing that I still have the receipt and tags for the pants and go to return them. Side note, it was not a size issue. I own that same pair of pants in the same size and do love them and wear them often but I digress. I get the front of the line and we’re going through the return process, everything is going fine and done. Buuuuuut then I realize she returned the wrong and very much cheaper item on the receipt by accident. Completely not her fault. When I buy anything, as I wear and take the tags off, I toss them into the shopping bag. When I get to the last item, I toss the whole bag. So since those pants were the last item, I had the bag with the tags for all four items I bought that day. So we go through the multiple transactions to fix the error and I am on my way with my refund. I hop on the subway and get three stops before I realize I left my passport at the store. I’m on my way to open a bank account and have to have my passport. So I get off the train, cross the street, get back on the downtown line and go back to the store. Turns out that the sales associate had tried to chase me down the street but I already had my headphones back on and couldn’t hear her. So passport reacquired.
Still not over.
I walk into the bank. Go get cozy at one of the tables because I was opening the account for the Kilimanjaro Campaign and I knew it was going to be a long endeavor. Once we figure out the best account and all of that and get all of my information cleared and blah blah blah…we’ve all opened bank accounts before, the computer starts to act up and needs to be reset. And then reset again. We get the temp checks printed and I sign my life away with all of the paperwork and the last step is to print my new card. Press print and go to the back room to grab it from the machine. No go. Take two. Run to the back room and comes back empty handed. Cue this SEVEN more times. He definitely got his cardio yesterday. At this point everyone behind the counter is laughing. I’m apologizing because it’s my fault because it’s one of those days and start to vent on all my morning and tell him really it’s not his fault. Luckily in that time, another representative came in and took a seat a few desks down. I was passed off to the other rep to see if he could get the machine to work. He asked me to come down to his desk. I refused. If it’s me, I’m staying as far away from that computer as possible. So first try he gets the card printed. Then it’s time to set my pin. Run the card through that machine and error message. So I legit write down my pin and walk away to let them set it. It works. I finally have all of my paperwork, all of my checks and my card with a pin. Nearly 90 minutes later.
At this point I realize I’m basically a danger to myself and all of those around me. So what do I do? Like any rational person I walk across the street to get a beer, at 11:30am and watch some show with the bartender in an empty bar that was basically a TV show about the best of highlights of my ridiculous life craziness.
By 2pm, maybe 3 (I got lunch too, I’m not that much of a day drinker these days) I quarantined myself to work in my bed, so as to not be a detriment to society and myself.
But the end of the story is great because after the last piece of the puzzle, opening the bank account, the MS vs the Mountain campaign to Climb Kilimanjaro for my own physical/psychological accomplishment, MS awareness and hopefully a whole lot of money to go to MS charities. So head over to the MS vs the Mountain tab and check out the details and share or join or donate or all of the aforementioned!
Hope you giggled at least once, maybe so hard you split your pants!