REMISSION!

YEAR NUMBER THREE OF REMISSION IN THE BOOKS!

After a stressful few weeks of tests (mostly between tests), I can happily say that I am still in remission for year number three. For anyone who saw me remission week or even MRI day, you know just how much it weighs not knowing. You think of every minor feeling, bad day, and twitch, every everything that could be slightly not right that might have been a new lesion versus just a random feeling. This time of year I get so paranoid that every time I have a headache, I swear it’s the feeling of my brain slowly deteriorating and holes enlarging. There’s always that chance that the medications stopped working or it just wasn’t able to stop this relapse. There’s also the fear that just because I don’t have a new symptom does not mean I don’t have any progression. There are so many parts of the brain that we don’t know what they do or may not have any function at all. A new hole there is still a new hole.

Remission for autoimmune diseases is very much different than remission from other diseases like cancer although I’m sure the process is just as stressful. Mainly, we’re not cured. It simply means that we have had no progression and no new symptoms; our disease in dormant or stable. We still have to take our medications. We still have to take care of our existing symptoms. Our lasting symptoms haven’t gone away. We just aren’t getting any worse. It is a milestone, yes, but it is hard to explain in a way that everyone can understand. It has been so ingrained in our heads that remission equals cured and chemotherapy equals cancer that anything that strays from that is deemed questionable and potentially false. It's on the same level as the "but you don't look sick" scenario.

But those are all conversations for another time. This is a celebratory post. ON TO CLIMB A MOUNTAIN!